Your marriage does not have to end in divorce. Sure, that may be the direction you and your spouse are headed right now, especially after years of mounting and seemingly irreparable issues, poor decisions, and constant bickering. At times, it can feel like there is no hope to reduce conflict with your spouse and possibly avoid divorce — no matter what you or they say in hopes of making things better. But deep down, each of you is willing to keep trying.
Honestly, the fact that there is a shared willingness to keep trying is a sign that a brighter day for your marriage is possible. As we say at Nelson Law Group, the grass is always greener where you water it. You simply have to be willing to turn the nozzle.
Are you looking to reduce conflict with your spouse, rekindle what you thought was lost forever, and possibly avoid divorce?
Here are 7 helpful tips to get you there:
Consider These Options To Reduce Conflict With Your Spouse
Seek to understand each other’s emotional hot buttons
A hot button is an emotional or controversial issue or concern that triggers an intense reaction. As humans, we all have emotional hot buttons; everyday examples in your marriage might include not feeling valued or supported, having to deal with unrealistic expectations, one-sided responsibility, or addictive behaviors. Your spouse may know about your hot buttons and push them anyway, but they also may not. Sit and discuss each other’s emotional hot buttons. Calmly provide examples and create an awareness of each other’s feelings and thoughts.
Allow each other to express anger and resentment constructively
If you are the one in the relationship who wronged the other, now is the time to allow that person to express any anger or resentment while you quietly listen. Hear their perspective on the situation, let them know they have every right to feel the way they do, and apologize for your actions.
Request more, demand less
Demanding something from someone almost always leads to emotions spilling over because neither side wants to give an inch. Instead of appearing demanding, choose your words carefully and make suggestions and requests. This allows your spouse to share their feelings rather than feeling attacked or backed into a corner.
Think big picture
Many of the issues you and your spouse face can seem insurmountable in the moment. When possible and without devaluing each other’s feelings, it is important to step back and do a little big-picture thinking. Work on the most critical issues right now (the things that cannot wait) and work on the other stuff later. You and your spouse may be amazed at how easy it becomes to find a solution that works for both of you.
Ask yourself if the issue is really worth arguing over
Is this an issue you are willing to end or injure your marriage over? Furthermore, what is the downside if you simply agree to what is being asked of you? Keep in mind that you should be spending more energy saving the marriage than attempting to win an argument.
Step aside more often
If conflict and emotions are too high, be OK with taking a break from discussing anything. Give your partner space. If you are the one who needs space, calmly ask for it. Stepping aside is the best way to avoid reacting negatively in the moment and end a potentially harmful discussion. During the break, take a few moments to write down what you want to say when the time is right. Choosing your words carefully is easier when you are not angry.
Seek help from a counselor
To reduce conflict with your spouse and possibly avoid divorce, seek help from a neutral third party who can walk you through these difficult moments together. A counselor, pastor, and even a psychologist can help you process your feelings quietly and confidentially while helping you adjust to a new life together.
Call Nelson Law Group Today!!
If divorce is the answer, you need an advisor to guide you through each stage and help you deal with the fears that naturally come with that. We work diligently to achieve a result that ensures you receive what you are entitled to as you move forward onto the next stage of your life. The Nelson Law Group brings nearly two decades of family law experience to every case.
Give our knowledgeable staff at Nelson Law Group, PC, a call if you have any further questions. Our staff is always available. Give us a call today! For more information about Brett A. Nelson, click here.