Many people admit to feeling powerless when it comes to divorce. In their eyes, the legal process is impossible to navigate, and it only makes matters worse that their spouse appears to be the one with all the control. On top of that, the poor kids are stuck in the middle, and the thought of having a judge decide their family’s future is heartbreaking. Family, friends, and even their family law attorney tell them it is important to take control of divorce sooner rather than later. But how? And will doing so make any difference?
The answer to that question is a resounding yes. While it is true that divorce is a significant and life-changing event riddled with fears of the unknown, more people than you might realize take their divorce by the horns. As a result, they come out on the other side feeling heard, confident, and armed with the knowledge that they earned the best outcome for their family’s unique situation.
Yes, there is still plenty about the divorce process that will always be out of your control. But you can absolutely gain control of divorce and have a say in what happens next. Here are a few places to start:
8 Ways To Gain Control Of Divorce:
1. Decide how you want the divorce to play out and make suggestions
Early indications might be that you and your spouse cannot find common ground. You are constantly arguing, and one or both of you are making decisions based more on emotion than rational thought. Calm down, take a step back, and consider what kind of divorce you both really want. Lead that conversation and suggest options such as collaborative divorce or mediation. This way, everyone feels like they are in control, and cooler heads are likely to prevail.
2. Do not stoop to your spouse’s level
Maintain a positive environment for you and the kids, even when your spouse is being difficult. This includes keeping your cool and not getting caught up in petty arguments or retaliatory actions. If you do this, you increase the odds of the judge in your case having a more favorable opinion of you — simply because of the way you conducted yourself.
3. Educate yourself
Demystifying the process is one of the best ways to gain control of divorce. The more you understand what you are facing, the better. So sit down with your lawyer and have them explain in plain language what you are likely to experience, define the legal process and terms you do not understand, and set expectations for the road ahead.
4. Visualize the obstacles you might face, and create a plan
Divorce can be tough on any family, but what is the best-case scenario for your situation? Visualize it and write it down. Consider all the potential obstacles (finances, where you will live, work, relationship struggles with family and friends, etc.) you could face during and after your divorce and the most practical solutions. Having a plan in place helps you focus on what you can do versus what you cannot do.
5. Know your financial situation
This is a crucial exercise for spouses who are not normally the ones in control of paying bills and need to familiarize themselves with their financial situation. By financial information, we mean bank accounts (joint and separate) and the corresponding statements, credit card statements, investment accounts, personal and business tax returns, health savings statements, retirement account information, paystubs, life insurance documents, etc. What is your budget? What evidence do you think you need before you meet with a lawyer? Knowing the answers to these questions gives you control of divorce.
6. Let your lawyer take the wheel
If you want to gain control over divorce, you must trust your lawyer. Sure, there is prep work you can do to eliminate costs and make their job easier, but allow your lawyer the opportunity to develop a case strategy in consultation with you. They can even speak for you to avoid unhealthy conversations and protect your legal rights. Sometimes, giving up control to someone who knows how to navigate choppy waters ultimately keeps you in a position of power.
7. Seek out emotional support
You need to maintain control of your emotions during a divorce, which can be easier said than done when you are trying to manage everything alone. Sit down one-on-one with a counselor, your pastor, and even a psychologist can help you process your feelings quietly and confidentially and help you adjust to change.
8. Set realistic expectations
If you set your expectations too high, you will struggle to accept anything less than that as you seek control of divorce. Temper your expectations, constantly communicate with your lawyer, and keep your eye on the big picture. Furthermore, avoid unrealistic advice from friends and family. Some advice simply is not helpful or practical.
Call Nelson Law Group today!!
If divorce is the answer, you need a trusted advisor to guide you through each stage of your divorce, help you deal with the stress that naturally comes with that, and create an environment where you have control of divorce. We work diligently to achieve a result that ensures you receive what you are entitled to as you move forward onto the next stage of your life. The Nelson Law Group brings nearly two decades of experience in family law to each and every case.
Give our knowledgeable staff here at Nelson Law Group, PC, a call if you have any further questions regarding this or any other issue. Our staff is always available. Give us a call today! For more information about Brett A Nelson, click here.
