Anyone who has seen their marriage end will tell you that trying to live a happy life after divorce is easier said than done. Even if the divorce was necessary, and you have come to terms with it in some small way, the emotional toll is far more complex. This makes it seem impossible to one day crack a smile, let alone be genuinely happy about what you still have.
There is plenty of advice that focuses on what you should be doing to open the channels to happiness. But there are also things you should not do, many of which ultimately stand in the way of your happiness.
Here are 7 things to stop doing now if you want to live a happy life after divorce:
Waiting for an apology
It would be nice if your former spouse apologized for what happened in the relationship and took ownership of certain things, especially if you were nice enough to recognize where you contributed to the problem. But if you are still waiting for them to do the right thing, stop now. Waiting for an apology that may never come keeps you from moving on and being happy. You will be so much happier when you accept this reality.
Living in the past
You cannot change the past. It is that simple. Sure, you may be able to make amends for certain things, but continuing to stew over the things you cannot fix robs you of genuine happiness today. Accept what you can no longer change from the past and start living for the here and now.
Ignoring your kids’ feelings
You deserve to have your moment of unhappiness and frustration after a divorce. But divorce impacts an entire family, especially your kids, who are likely even more confused and scared about what happens next than you are. To open the door to eventual happiness, you should focus on your kids and find ways to help them get through this difficult time. Talk openly to them, spend time with them, and make sure they have a relationship with both of their parents. They need to know that everything will be OK.
Setting lofty expectations for yourself
If you want to live a happy life after divorce, stop asking so much of yourself. Having just gone through a divorce, you cannot expect yourself to pick up the pieces quickly, find what makes you happy, and emotionally move on faster than you are ready. These things take time, making it better to focus on one moment and one small victory at a time. Be realistic in your expectations and start small.
Comparing your situation to others
You will make it difficult to live a happy life after divorce if you constantly compare your divorce to someone else’s, or you are continually looking at happy couples and wishing your situation could have turned out differently. All divorces and relationships (good and bad) are unique, each with vastly different circumstances. So do not get caught up in comparing experiences, as it will only lead to more regrets and paranoid thoughts of what you could have done differently during the divorce process.
Skipping out on social functions
The absolute last thing you need to be doing after a divorce is hiding away and refusing to be around other people. Doing this only forces you to wallow in your own self-pity and constantly think about your divorce. If you have not left the house in several weeks, it is time to force yourself to get out there. Being around friends and family creates a sense of normalcy during difficult times and, dare we say, will make you happy.
Diving into the dating pool right away
Getting back out there and exploring new relationships is a great idea and will lead to plenty of happiness if you ultimately find the right person to be with. But take it slow, and certainly avoid jumping back in too quickly. Give yourself time to be OK with being alone and single.
Call Nelson Law Group today!!
If divorce is the answer, you need a trusted advisor to guide you through each stage of your divorce and help you deal with the fears that naturally come with that. We work diligently to achieve a result that ensures you receive what you are entitled to as you move forward onto the next stage of your life. The Nelson Law Group brings nearly two decades of experience in family law to each and every case.