You and your spouse just got into a heated argument. Both of you said some mean things, but your unsavory statements, in particular, really cut deep. In the heat of the moment, you feel like you won the argument. However, after a little time has passed, you realize just how much you hurt your spouse. You are remorseful and want to apologize for what you said/did, yet you are unsure how to ensure an effective and heartfelt apology.
We do not blame you for feeling this way. Apologizing is often far from enough — especially if your relationship is on the rocks. There are also plenty of ways to ruin an otherwise sincere apology by saying too much, not enough, or not choosing your words carefully.
The bottom line is that while apologies are far from the only steps you should take to improve your relationship, they are a great start.
If you are genuinely sorry and want to make the most of your heartfelt apology, consider these tips.
Saying Sorry the Right Way Means …
Saying “I’m sorry” and “I apologize”
Ideally, these should be the first words out of your mouth. Sure, you could say, “I regret what I said,” and “I feel horrible,” but starting with the basics is better.
Know and state what you are apologizing for
Be specific and clearly label your words, actions, and behavior. This tells your spouse that you know exactly what you did wrong, are not proud of what you did, take ownership of what happened, and understand exactly how and why these actions were hurtful and unnecessary.
Avoid disclaimers or “out clauses”
Have you ever heard someone say, “I am sorry, but …” When people add a disclaimer like “but,” it makes what could have been a heartfelt apology hollow and difficult for the receiving party to accept. It is important that your spouse clearly understands that you are not making any excuses for your role in the argument. Assume that if you qualify your apology that it will not be taken seriously.
Keep the focus on your actions
A heartfelt apology focuses on your actions rather than the other person’s response to those actions. You are taking accountability, making it easier for your spouse to accept your apology.
Explain why “it will not happen again”
“It will not happen again” is one of the easiest statements to make when trying to give a heartfelt apology. The problem is that those words by themselves do not carry much weight. Instead, consider saying, “It will not happen again, and here are the steps I will take to ensure that is the case.”
If necessary, do not feel the need to apologize immediately
There are times after an argument when even the most effective and heartfelt apology will fall on deaf ears. Your spouse may not have cooled off yet and is far from willing to open up emotionally and mentally to hear an apology. Give them the space they need and be OK with waiting and apologizing when the time is right.
Ask for forgiveness.
However, you need to be prepared for an answer other than I forgive you and be ready to accept the answer and then take steps to earn the forgiveness overtime.
Apologizing can quickly heal relationships, soothe hurt feelings, and address long-term wrongs. But they must be approached with sincerity and love. Do not apologize for the sake of apologizing. Be heartfelt and explain why you are apologizing.
Call Nelson Law Group Today!!
If divorce is the answer, you need an advisor to guide you through each stage and help you deal with the fears that naturally come with that. We work diligently to achieve a result that ensures you receive what you are entitled to as you move forward onto the next stage of your life. The Nelson Law Group brings nearly two decades of family law experience to every case.
Give our knowledgeable staff at Nelson Law Group, PC, a call if you have any further questions. Our staff is always available. Give us a call today! For more information about Brett A. Nelson, click here.
