The overwhelming anger, heartbreak, and resentment from your spouse’s betrayal used to be as raw as a freshly-skinned knee. And yet, you now find yourself softening on the idea that your marriage could survive. But for that to happen, you know a lot of things have to fall into place — including your ability to forgive your spouse.
Forgiveness is the act of intentionally and voluntarily ceasing to feel resentment against someone or something. Those who find it in themselves to forgive experience a noticeable change in everything from their feelings and attitude toward the person who hurt them to their outlook on the future. It certainly does not mean they condone what happened. It might even take a while to move forward completely, and they will never forget what happened. But in so many ways they cannot completely explain, they are ready to move on and learn from the experience.
Are you ready to forgive your spouse? Here are six signs that now might be the time.
4 Signs You Are Ready to Forgive Your Spouse
1. You and your spouse are talking more
It may have seemed impossible weeks or months ago, but now you and your spouse are OK with being in the same room together, and you are communicating. And more than just cordially, too. You are laughing, sharing the details of your day and what has been going on, and even talking about sunnier days — whether from the past or what could be.
2. You can talk about what happened
Beyond having everyday conversations that finally feel natural, you have both begun to understand what led you to this spot and your individual roles in the situation. You understand that while there is no justifying what happened, whether it be adultery, financial distrust, or something else, you know there are things you could have done better along the way that could have made things different.
3. You do not want to dwell on the past
Dwelling on the past is corrosive — for you, your kids, your family, and any potential reconciliation with your spouse. It also does not get you any closer to living the life you want to live. If you find that you are thinking about the better times more and more and how special your spouse still makes you feel, and if the negative memories are beginning to fade away, you might be ready to forgive your spouse.
4. You want your spouse back in your life
Many couples who have not quite committed themselves to divorce find that separating for a short period, including living apart, is the best short-term strategy. The hope is that one day, cooler heads will prevail, and both parties will remember why they got married in the first place. True forgiveness also means unequivocally wanting that person back in your life. You care about them, and that love and bond are stronger than any resentment you could hold onto. I personally do not think this is a great idea, as it may be more difficult to earn trust back if you are living apart.
We want to leave you with one final thought. Being about to forgive your spouse and reconciliation are entirely different things, and you cannot have one without the other. Think about it — you and your spouse may be on the same page in reconciling your marriage. Still, if you cannot bring yourself to forgive that person for their transgressions, or forgive yourself, then reconciliation might not be possible. On the other hand, if you can forgive, the proverbial door is wide open for salvaging your relationship If, however, you can forgive, and your marriage is not restored, you are in a much better position to co-parent moving forward after divorce.
Call Nelson Law Group today!!
We truly believe marriage is worth fighting for, and we hope you and your spouse can forgive each other and move on to significantly better times. But if divorce is the answer, you need a trusted advisor to guide you through each stage of your divorce, help you deal with the stress that naturally comes with that, and create an environment where you have control of divorce. We work diligently to achieve a result that ensures you receive what you are entitled to as you move forward onto the next stage of your life. The Nelson Law Group brings nearly two decades of experience in family law to every case.
Give our knowledgeable staff here at Nelson Law Group, PC, a call if you have any further questions regarding this or any other issue. Our staff is always available. Give us a call today! For more information about Brett A Nelson, click here.